To you my sister...

I'm so sorry!!! : (

Nonsense...

Love, love! What is it about love that all were tied up to it? Here, in the empty room that only the sound of the fan and the keyboard is audible, makes me more dramatic! Thoughts were obscure once again, can't be recognized, can't be said. If you wanna ask me why, for sure i'll just reply you with a fake smile. Am I being too dramatic that she don't bother to understand me? Am I being to selfish and protective that she misunderstood it to be a domination over his own? Am I too in love that she's already ignoring my caress? Were my questions really have answers, or they really are not questions? My feeling now, it's like an erupting volcano, no matter how i don't want it to be noticed, I can't control it. Tomorrow, what life could offer me, what love could give me? Am I just too curious about life and love that I want to have answers just as fast as the blink of an eye, or am I just so serious about it?

After the life in this world, no more tears, no more hurts, no more heartbreaks, no more promises that you believe, you just know it was already broken when you see all is broken. Then, why should I not crave for it? Am I just too strict about promises that's why I was hurt inside like this? hay.... My hands are tired of typinggggggggggggggg.................

...and so as my heart is tired of feeling...............................

what now???

Now, i do not know. Someone asked me about our status? Can i answer him then if neither her nor me do not know what we really are. We only know that we love each other, i am pretty sure of it. I asked her once, but she did not respond. I wanna ask her again, but i want it personally. I never give up loving her, yes i met persons whom i thought could replace her but i always end up longing for her. Sometime am assuring myself that she is already the girl whom i wanna spend eternity with and that sometimes are those times every night when i am lying in bed thinking deeply. But i am so afraid, what if there comes the time that we wont see each other again? What if the feeling she had for me fades? What if...

I wanna hold her tight, hug her and tell her how much i really love her before it is too late. I wanna hold her hand tighter as i used to and look at her in the eyes and say how much she really means to me. Hay... i just wish i were P-J so she can take me wherever she may go, share moments together, laugh together, walk together, eat together. I wish i were P-J, i don't care kahit ilang beses nya ako madaganan at mapirat, at least i am always with her. I always want to be with you, Ate!!!

JUST THAT

Sometimes i feel like being so small, too small to be seen by the world, but vaguely thinking if the world is playing with me. Just like if i say yes, the world will say no. if i say i can, the world will reply, you can't. If i'll give my very best on everything i do, the world seems do its very best too, more than the best i can to make things hard. I sometimes want to give up, but sometimes, it is also the world than keeps me in the game, how can someone let go of someone that makes her/him happy? There's a lot of pressure on me, pushing me down, often until i kneel to the ground. things like that can be very hard to explain. like a clown wearing a mask, behind the mask, more often than not is a frown face. Hypocrisy sometimes calms myself knowing that it prevents myself to know what i really feel.

I Know it..

Her uncle texted me just few ours ago, firstly, he said that "you are committing an ofence by encouraging a minor into a personal relationship" also saying that "if you do not take this matter seriosly then you will force me to take action that you will regret" threating me, i know. (grave threat?) "I know where to find you" he added and mentioned some names with thier affiliation. i was shock, not because of those words, but because, i replied his first txt politely and i expected a good conversation with him. So, i asked him what to do to stop this thing, he replied "you will with immediate STOP HARASSING %*^%$ ))* #@%*&$" Harassing? I don't know about that thing. Maybe if loving someone else is the concept of harassing, then, we are all harassing our love ones? Again, i do not hARAss anyone. He is trying to scare me which in fact he can approach and talk about anything with me some what like a professional talking to a boy (college student) with a little respect at least. It hurts me. With his last text, he said again "Remember, I know where to find you". Like talking to a child that is so scared of monsters. I respect him, and understand his role as a guardian, i know how it feels being a parent to have your 17 year-old daughter doing what she must not suppose to do. What i really could not understand was, why would he must scare me with those words as if i am a fool? I gave him my words not because of those threats he said but because i do not want my family to know it to avoid disagreement even though i know i didn't do anything wrong. That man, he talked to me as if he had not been a teen-ager.

I Know it..

My girl,

I don't have any idea kung ano nanyari. Again, all i know is that you are not fine. Please, if thinking of me makes your tear fall, then, think of me no more. Yes, I am not happy when you informed me about it, but i would more than be unhappy knowing that you are hurt because of me. then, just follow what they would say if it is only for your own sake.

For the second time, please, if thinking of me makes your tear fall, then, think of me no more. GOOD BYE!!!