what now???

Now, i do not know. Someone asked me about our status? Can i answer him then if neither her nor me do not know what we really are. We only know that we love each other, i am pretty sure of it. I asked her once, but she did not respond. I wanna ask her again, but i want it personally. I never give up loving her, yes i met persons whom i thought could replace her but i always end up longing for her. Sometime am assuring myself that she is already the girl whom i wanna spend eternity with and that sometimes are those times every night when i am lying in bed thinking deeply. But i am so afraid, what if there comes the time that we wont see each other again? What if the feeling she had for me fades? What if...

I wanna hold her tight, hug her and tell her how much i really love her before it is too late. I wanna hold her hand tighter as i used to and look at her in the eyes and say how much she really means to me. Hay... i just wish i were P-J so she can take me wherever she may go, share moments together, laugh together, walk together, eat together. I wish i were P-J, i don't care kahit ilang beses nya ako madaganan at mapirat, at least i am always with her. I always want to be with you, Ate!!!

JUST THAT

Sometimes i feel like being so small, too small to be seen by the world, but vaguely thinking if the world is playing with me. Just like if i say yes, the world will say no. if i say i can, the world will reply, you can't. If i'll give my very best on everything i do, the world seems do its very best too, more than the best i can to make things hard. I sometimes want to give up, but sometimes, it is also the world than keeps me in the game, how can someone let go of someone that makes her/him happy? There's a lot of pressure on me, pushing me down, often until i kneel to the ground. things like that can be very hard to explain. like a clown wearing a mask, behind the mask, more often than not is a frown face. Hypocrisy sometimes calms myself knowing that it prevents myself to know what i really feel.